Makes you feel lonely..

I don't know how about You, but somehow if I mix these two together it can get kind of lonely. Or is it just the Holiday season bringing everyone down? :D 

Question of the century - How did we end up right here?

Be so kind, let go of me, you can even disappear.

Feels like only yesterday we were kids free from care.

Obligations of today are way too much for me to bear.

We were frivolous and naive letting things just be.

Am I the one who has to continue the family tree?

I dream to be that kid again

Who’s curious about the rain.

And helps without anything to gain.

The one who’s allowed to be insane.

The kid again, in the rain, a bit insane.

Start questioning my sanity – wouldn't it be a tragedy?

It’s not like we can come up with a new form of flattery.

Lets put on a brand new face each day from now on,

Hopefully we can save our childhood from being gone.

When did we start to take our freedom for granted?

To be my own person was all I ever really wanted.

I dream to be that kid again

Who’s curious about the rain.

And helps without anything to gain.

The one who’s allowed to be insane.

The kid again, in the rain, a bit insane.

Question of the century – Where do we go from here?

I’m trapped in my memory, just had to make that clear.

I dream to be that kid again

Who’s curious about the rain.

And helps without anything to gain.

The one who’s allowed to be insane.

The kid again, in the rain, a bit insane.

I’m still that kid in the rain.

Sounds insane – but it’s all the same.

The kid again, in the rain, a bit insane.

(The insane kid)

From playground to junkie central...

Do You ever wonder about mysterious ways of this world? I do. 

Today I was reminded about one of my favorite places in the world when I was a kid. It's not like I had forgotten about it, in fact I walk by it almost every day. It's this place just around the corner from my house.
It's supposed to be a bend in a road and a small parking space for this God forgotten city water maintenance building or something. The road has never been used a lot.
Years ago me and my friends used to play this ball game where you have this big square court divided in four squares. Each player has his own square and the goal of the game is to hit as many points as possible in someone else's square. We used to use chalk to draw our court wherever we wanted to play. Soon enough we started to use the bend on the road all the time 'cause of it's location and the fact that it was safe with no cars and not that many people would pass by. Time passed and we started to grow tired of having to draw our court after every rain that came and washed it away. We decided to make it permanent. We went home and everyone got what they could. Some paint, brushes, ruler or anything else we thought we might need. Couple of hours later we had our court. If before we used to switch our little squares than now each of us had our own - marked with our nicknames for everyone to see. No more chalk or worries that it will get washed away.
Needless to say from that day one we spent our every waking hour there. Kicking ball around, laughing, growing up.
It was our spot, our playground.
What about now?!
Our court has faded over the years. Although if I close my eyes I can still see those wavy green lines that marked the edges of our court.
It has become the junkie central for the neighborhood. For all the same reasons it was our choice to begin with. No cars, no people - it's safe.
Not anymore...    
I am glad to say that none of my friends hang out there, but it is really sad to see that a place that was such a big part of all of our lives has turned in to this dark and sad thing.
I does make me wonder - how did that happen? How did the playground turn in to a pile of used needles and empty bottles? How many other meaningful places have disappeared over the years? And the most important question of them all...

WHY?

 

That time of year is here again...

The time when I feel more like a kid than usual and at the same time I’m very well aware of the fact that my birthday is coming up, yet again…

The kid part – it’s not like I can’t wait for the gifts or the party, or delicious birthday cake. It’s not about that at all. It’s more like a voice of a kid inside yelling of the top of its lungs to finally find that long lost manual for the time machine. Just to return back and do all the things I enjoyed as a kid once again and maybe get a chance to do something I didn’t get to do, but still think it would be cool, but those damn bastards won’t let me dive in plastic ball pool or jump around in the bouncy castle, or sit in one of those toy car shopping trolleys, ‘cause apparently I’m too big. How can they not understand that we didn’t have those when I was a kid!? C’mon is it really that hard to build them bigger?

Now more so than usual I catch myself asking the same questions over and over again.

Why do we have to grow up?

Why the growing up is scheduled? You go from infant to toddler, child, teen, young adult, adult and so on. What if I don’t want to follow this pattern? I just want to grow up on my own terms.

What if I want to go from teen to elder and then back to child again?

I’m still trying to find the one who thought he is a smartass and labeled us all.

Why is it called growing up I wonder? I mean I haven’t done any physical growing since I was around 15 and as far as I know people tend to get shorter when they grow older.

The song “wake me up when September ends” sneaks in my head from time to time, ‘cause once September is over those questions fade away as if nothing has happened.

This year has been far from what I intended it to be.

I don’t bother with birthday wishes anymore. I mean what’s the point, they never come true anyways. And when they do, it’s been so long since the wish was made, that it doesn’t matter much anymore, because my life has turned and twisted so unpredictably that even I can’t keep up.

So just to see what happens next – this year I’m not making any plans or guesses, or wishes and hopes. This time it’s me and life one-on-one.

Bring it on 22… 

I'm allowed to be a little scared...

Weirdness to borrow...

Blend in like a sidewalk on the block.

Move like a second indicator on the clock.

Make everyone believe that you are the sky

Arranged so the rules of life won't apply.

Cling to me like a feather in the wind

Avoid me like I am a bee about to sting.

I like to be a walking contradiction

Put together from horror and science fiction.

Pretend to be reflection of the sun

Hide away like a small criminal on the run.

You're a silent protector of the blind

Accidentally on purpose left behind.

Confuse the world with election results.

Treat responsible kids like misbehaving adults.

I surrender to the wrong authority 

Annoying the hell out of the majority.

This module of existence is not for everyone,

With built in resistance only for undone,

On - off switch for remote control dependent,

Chance to enrich for wrongfully abandoned.

We are a couple of unneeded freaks

A pair of misfits nobody seeks.

Call for us like there is no tomorrow

We have a weirdness you can borrow.

Oh... hell no :)

Some say it’s the easiest thing

To just go out and have a meaningless fling.

I sit here thinking how hard can it be?

Is something wrong with the world or is it just me?

So what if I have to wait a bit longer?

I know I’m gonna feel it a lot stronger.

I may not know all the answers,

But You seem to be the one who thinks it matters.

It’s up to You how You live your life.

Do whatever makes You feel alive. 

...

A man of words and not of deeds

Is like a garden full of weeds;

And when the weeds begin to grow,

It's like a garden full of snow;

And when the snow begins to fall,

It's like a bird upon the wall;

And when the bird away does fly,

It's like an eagle in the sky;

And when the sky begins to roar,

It's like a lion at the door;

And when the door begins to crack,

It's like a stick across your back;

And when your back begins to smart,

It's like a penknife in your heart;

And when your heart begins to bleed,

You're dead, you're dead, and dead indeed

Source(s):

Mother Goose's Nursery Rhymes

Longmeadow Press (1996)

"Firsts" and "Lasts"

Have You ever  thought  about „firsts” of your life? In this world of never-ending firsts at this very moment someone is taking his or her first breath. Someone is saying their first word, taking first step, smiling for the first time, crying, falling in love, having their heart broken. Someone is enjoying spring for the first time, hearing their first song, starting their first day of work. Someone is saying: „I love You”, for the first time and someone is hearing it for the first time as well. Someone is having their first cigarette, first drink, first drug. For the first time someone is feeling week, disappointed, lost, misunderstood. Someone is meeting their first real friend, but have no idea that it is happening. Someone is leaving home for the first time and someone for the first time in their life finally feels like they have come home.

How many „firsts” have You experienced and only realized it after the moment was gone?

How many times have You said: „ This is happening for the first time in my life”?

How many „firsts” ar still in Your future?

Whilst the world is busy having numerous „firsts” I am starting my week of „lasts”.

My last week in Geneva.  Last time picking up James  from school, last walk through the streets of the old town, last sunset by the lake, last basketball game, last „white night”, last sarcastic joke marathon, last hug from a friend.

Those are just few of the „lasts” I have to face before I can move on and have a whole new set of „firsts” in my life.

No matter how we choose to live our life, „firsts” and „lasts” are gonna be there every step of the way.  So I say embrace it and don’t let it scare You. Life is fleeting and I for one want to experience as many „firsts” and „lasts” as I can. After all thats what life is all about, isn’t it?

Afternoon by the lake will do that to You!

If I were you and You were me.

As the wind and light collide

I push my frustrations aside.

I just want to correct my mistakes,

Doesn’t matter how long it takes.

If You were me - You’d know.

If I were You - I’d start from below.

As the waves crash against the shore

I mend my broaken and shattered soul.

Silence has been here for far to long.

I can’t hear the moonlights song anymore.

If You were me – You’d know.

If I were You – I’d let go.

As the clouds start to fade away

I order my heart to disobey.

It’s not to late to start over again,

Who cares if it makes me look insane.

If You were me – You’d know.

If I were You – I’d take it slow.

Why have I been M.I.A.*

Last few weeks have been hectic, tiring, somewhat annoying, interesting and everything in between. So what have I been up to? Mostly burning my face playing basketball, exploring hidden treasures of Geneva, working and going crazy looking for a new job. Did I mention working? But thats not all. There is one thing thats been on my mind all this time wherever I go. This frustrating feeling of not knowing what exactly is going on, what's gonna happen in my near future, where will I be in a weeks time. In theory I'm going to Paris for a few days to clear my head, then I come back to Geneva just to pack my stuff and be on my way to UK, spend a week there, go on some job interviews and fly home. But what happens after? Do I go back to UK, do I get a job there or am I stuck in Latvia. Do I look for a job there? 

This circle of thought never stops turning in the back of my mind. 

Worst feeling there is - to be lost knowing exactly where you are. 

Enough with the heavy. It's lovely sunday afternoon, sun is shining, birds singing, people laughing.

Find Your song of the day and get out there. If You are having trouble finding your song, I offer You mine :) 

* M.I.A. - missing in action. 

About London....

First of all - time goes by so f*ing fast. Four days in London - one day I was there the next back in Switzerland, but if I look at the amount of thing I manage to squeeze in those four days it must have been a week or something.

Main reason for my going there was to visit my sister and her daughter, and thanks to my excellent hostel choice I was just around the corner from where they are living.

I've been to London before, so I was a tour guide instead of being a regular tourist. I'm not gonna name all the places we went to, It would just take too much time, so I'm just gonna say this... Imagine the places You would go to see in London and thats probably where we went :)

One thing is for sure... I haven't had so much fun in a long time. At the end of our long walking tour around London we came to conclusion that they like everything big. Big Ben, Big Bridge, Big Ship, Big Fish, Big Mac - to name a few :D At that point we were laughing so hard our stomachs were hurting like hell...

And to finish of my way too funny weekend I almost missed my flight back and pilot kept saying we are flying to Zurich not Geneva... freaked everyone out :)

London, London....

here it is, the day I'm going to London again! SO excited! Got my theme song, schedule, good mood and everything in between. But the best part is I get to hang out with my sister that I haven't seen for almost a year, my niece and some of my best friends and I get to do that in one of my favorite cities in the world! :) Doesn't it sound like a perfect weekend?

I'll be back on Monday with lots of stories and pics, so see You then! :)

Enjoy Your weekend whatever You might be doing! :)

weekends....

So.... Have You ever made plans for entire weekend and then just as you are about to start to enjoy it - all your plans go down the drain? Well that's exactly what happened to me this weekend. I was going to go for drinks on Friday, to a party for newcomers in Geneva on Saturday and to finish of the weekend ice skating and fondue dinner on Sunday. Instead I'm looking after a 11 year old who managed to hit his head skiing. Some drama and helicopter ride later it turns out that he is completely fine, just needs to avoid contact sports and places where it is possible to hit his head. We are gonna take it easy this weekend, only thing remotely close to being wild is going to see a movie. :)


I guess I just have to get trough this weekend and then I can start to look forward to the next one. Oh and btw I'm going to London on that one!

Don't panic if I scream :D

Sensual feelings and obituaries,

Creepy faces and shadows 

Are hiding in my soul.

Sometimes I visit those feelings

And try not to scream.

I used to dream - 

With the ring of bell

I’m going to hell.

Highway is free

Only for me.

I stood by the open doors

On not so clean floors.

Hoping for a chance

For one more last dance.

Devil was here with greetings

And scheduled meetings. 

As it turns out

That‘s what it’s all about. 

I got my last dance

And someone else plans

To destroy and kill

Against my own will.

So don’t panic if I scream, 

I’m just having my scariest dream.

therapy session....

Put the song in the background and read away.

 Step in to my office,

no need to be cautious.

I know where we should start

jump in and listen to your heart.  

I'm gonna ask you some questions

I'm looking forward to your answers.

I might have some solutions

So lets deal with your hidden angers. 

Have you ever looked trough closed eyes

looking for truth behind the lies

Spoken with your mouth sealed shut

screaming and yelling "so what?" 

Listen to what I have to say

you can fall on your knees and pray

But it won't solve your issues

it just gives you an excuse. 

It all comes down to this... 

The moment of darkness

doesn't have to mean sadness

the moment everything is quiet

doesn't have to be private.

When you find yourself about to fall

I want to be the person that you call. 

Look at that... your time is up.

Just as well... thats all i've got. 

untill our visit next week

remember you are unique. 

hi, hello, Salut, Čau, sveiks....

SO now when I have got all my current  frustrations with world out of my system I just wanna say Hi and welcome to my blog. I must say I can't be held responsible for the thing I might post here. When I have something to say I will. No filters or fears what other people might think. 

Does anyone else feel this way?

For a while now, I have been reading the news with a hope to find something positive and worth reading about. So I had this weird feeling inside and I decided to try to put it in words. This is what I came up with...

As i sit here and read the news
I feel like i've got everything to lose.
I try so hard to drown it all in booze
Did i chose the right type of abuse?

Where have all the good news gone?
Shooting, stabbing, yet another bomb.
Everyone knows its wrong
But do we have to put up with it for long?

I can't watch any more replays
Wondering if this is just a phase
or these things are gonna become cliches.
It is not the way I want my kids to be raised.

how is that for the beginning?

What if we were all the same?
crazy and desperate for the fame?
what about the one with the  flame?
he's gonna be the one they blame.

Nothing to measure up for
...not anymore.

Go ahead and do what you like,
hit the wall with your bike,
perform at open mic night
or simply get into a fight.

We've got nothing to measure up for
...not anymore.

So go ahead and make a mess,
be spontaneous and guess,
don't bother to confess
just do and be your best.

'cause we've got nothing to measure up for
...not anymore.